One of our regular commenter’s, Helen, emailed me with the sad news that her mother had passed away. Helen has shared her mother’s story with us in a different post. She was living with Helen and her husband, but developed a very serious bed sore and was recuperating in a nursing home. Helen was eagerly awaiting the day when her mom could come home. God had other plans.
We love you Helen. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. If you send me the information about the wake and funeral mass, I’ll be happy to post it.
Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord, and may perpetual Light shine upon her; may her soul and all souls, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.
Helen’s email:
When I used to go to Charismatic Prayer meetings, and we’d pray for someone’s healing, sometimes they would die. We would remind each other then that for the Christian, death is the ultimate healing. Our prayers were fully and completely answered, but not as we hoped.
It is in that aspect that I share that mom was healed ultimately this morning, quite unexpectedly. She, my dad, my sister, and others are rejoicing in their reunion. I will be as well one day, but right now I am sad over my own loss of a wonderful mom. Indeed, she was my best friend.
You may share this email with anyone you think is missing from the list above and may be interested.
I do not intend to tweet about this right now, but I do not object to you letting any of our cyber friends know via that venue. I, however, will be missing from cyberspace for a while.
I thank you deeply for your prayers for her healing. The staff at the nursing home say she died quietly in her sleep. The only thing that would have pleased her more is dying in her own home peacefully in her sleep. But then, dying anywhere was not the plan. Getting better and coming home was.I do know that I will be in your prayers as well. I appreciate being able to take you for granted like that.
Love,
Helen
For anyone in the Chicago area that would like to pay their respects:
The wake will be held at Cumberland Chapels on Lawrence and Cumberland from 3pm to 9pm on Monday.
Funeral will be on Tuesday at 10 am. St. Monica Catholic Church.
Helen you have my deepest sympathies. God bless.
God bless you and your family, Helen.
I am so very sorry for you loss, Helen. I cannot imagine your pain, but I pray that God brings peace and healing to your heart.
I’m very sorry to hear about your loss, Helen. You have my sincerest condolences.
Thank you for your support.
Actually, it was not a bedsore. She had a broken blood vessel in her hip that needed to be reattached surgically. Unfortunately, because of the blood thinners, none of us, including the doctor, realized that was the issue, and by the time it was caught, the wound from debridement surgery was awful. The wound nurse said the rest of her skin was in remarkably good condition for someone who had been unable to walk for so long, and that it wasn’t my fault. The bump did not happen from moving her or bedsores, but from being born with varicose veins. The blood thinner, and abrupt stoppage of it, was more of a complication than a cause. She reassured me more than once that it wasn’t my fault at all. It just happened.
The cause of her death is that her heart stopped. I guess the stress from the wound, and infections, and everything took its toll on her.
I apologize Helen. When you said “wound” I assumed “bed sore”. My dad had some doozies. And they were NOT my mother’s fault, just as this could not possibly be your fault! My dad’s skin looked great too, which is a testament to the great care he was getting. You and my mother are saints!
I am new to this blog, but have to voice my thanks and eternal gratitude to MK for helping us with my mom when she was bedridden and waiting to pass. Couldn’t have gotten through it without you.
It is so much harder for the ones who are left behind. Your mom is in a far, far better place now, and there will be a party in Heaven when you meet again!
KIM!!!! Yeah! Hey folks, Kim is a friend from years and years back. I’m thrilled she’s here!
Kim,
I remember…it was on Easter weekend. That was one rough weekend.
Thanks MK. I’m sorry for being oversensitive. I guess I have some latent guilt for not doing more. I know, I shouldn’t feel guilty. I am just thinking of all the times I should have just sat with her, but did something else.
Helen –
I’m very sorry to hear this.
You were a wonderful daughter. There are so many children out there that would have stuck their parent in a nursing home and gone on with their lives. You did the right thing by bringing her into your home, as she brought you into hers, and caring for her. Your act is a true testament of what family should be. You are a role model to many of us! Don’t ever feel guilty.
As a mom of a child with special needs, I know about the guilt. It is all I can do to keep this child safe, clean, fed, clothed and loved. Anything else is icing on the cake…like homework, fine motor, stretching, therapy, social activities, etc. And I have to accept that I cannot do it all alone.
And, sometimes, I need time for me. In my recent (coerced
) confession, Father reminded me to take care of me. I pass this on to you – you are no good to anyone if you are not good to yourself. I don’t know you, and I don’t know how much time you spent or didn’t spend. We just do the best we can. Providing a safe sanctuary for the ones we love is so underrated and under appreciated. Don’t sell yourself short!
And I hate to use the old cliche, but time will help ease your suffering. Not make it go away, but it will help you to reconcile and see things more clearly. I pray for you to take time to just be, and not feel guilty about it.
Helen, I’m sorry. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time!
Kim,
Awesome advice. I’d only add that for right now, every emotion you feel is legitimate in that it is real and valid. This does not mean that you are guilty, only that you feel so. The feeling is valid, even if the guilt is not. Kim is so right, time will help you to see more clearly that you did EVERYTHING that you could. Until then, it’s perfectly okay to wonder if you could have done more. I get the feeling Mother Teresa wondered the same things…
I read somewhere recently, that to truly be humble we are not to compare ourselves to others. If we want to compare ourselves to someone, compare ourself to Christ. That’ll put it in perspective. WE ALL FALL SHORT. And that’s okay.
And any “wiggy” feelings your having can STILL be expressed to your mom. She’s still there, right? She can hear everything you tell her. I’m sure if she could she’d say “Get over yourself Helen! You were a WONDERFUL daughter. I’m so happy where I am now that I can’t even remember the little things you’re worrying about. The only things I remember are that when I was scared…you were there. When I was lonely…you were there. When I sick…you were there. When I was worried about the future…you were there…What else matters? eh?”
Helen,
My condolences
Helen, I’m so sorry. My thoughts are with you!
For Helen, with all honor and love you have given.
Brothers Karamozov.
Father Zossima speaking to a mother who lost her child.
“My Nikita tried to comfort me with the same words as you. ‘Foolish one,’ he said, ‘why weep? Our son is no doubt singing with the angels before God.’ He says that to me, but he weeps himself. I see that he cries like me. ‘I know, Nikita,’ said I. ‘Where could he be if not with the Lord God? Only, here with us now he is not as he used to sit beside us before.’ And if only I could look upon him one little time, if only I could peep at him one little time, without going up to him, without speaking, if I could be hidden in a corner and only see him for one little minute, hear him playing in the yard, calling in his little voice, ‘Mammy, where are you?’ If only I could hear him pattering with his little feet about the room just once, only once; for so often, so often I remember how he used to run to me and shout and laugh, if only I could hear his little feet I should know him! But he’s gone, Father, he’s gone, and I shall never hear him again. Here’s his little sash, but him I shall never see or hear now.”
She drew out of her bosom her boy’s little embroidered sash, and as soon as she looked at it she began shaking with sobs, hiding her eyes with her fingers through which the tears flowed in a sudden stream.
“It is Rachel of old,” said the elder, “weeping for her children, and will not be comforted because they are not. Such is the lot set on earth for you mothers. Be not comforted. Consolation is not what you need. Weep and be not consoled, but weep. Only every time that you weep be sure to remember that your little son is one of the angels of God, that he looks down from there at you and sees you, and rejoices at your tears, and points at them to the Lord God; and a long while yet will you keep that great mother’s grief. But it will turn in the end into quiet joy, and your bitter tears will be only tears of tender sorrow that purifies the heart and delivers it from sin”
Your mom looks down from heaven and rejoices at your tears, and points at them to the Lord. May you have tender tears always.
Cape, that was just beautiful!